The Not-So-Joys of Having a Little Sister
by AnonymousWriterSaysHi
Summary: Full summary is pretty much the first chapter, but, many see issues in the Zwingli household as Vash's fault. Here, he shines a little light on what exactly it's like living with a teenage girl nation. Poor Vash! Rated T for language, possible innuendoes, underage drinking, possible sexy things, and possible sass XD. Possible mentions of AusSwiss. And angry, sassy, flirty Lilli.
1. Chapter 1

**Okay, the point of this story is to totally show that it's probably kinda hard on Switzerland being Liechtenstein's guardian and all...considering he's a boy and she's a girl and they have many differences thanks to, you know, genetics and such. This is NOT to be taken seriously. Enjoy!**

Hello everyone, my name is Vash(Basch) Zwingli. I'm sure you all are aware but I am the human representation of the country of Switzerland, but I'm not here to discuss me. I'm here to discuss Lilli Zwingli-Liechtenstein- or, as many know, my little sister.

You see, many believe that if there's trouble ever in the Zwingli household, it's because of me. This is not always true. Now, believe me, I LOVE my little sister, but she's...well...a teenage girl. Heh, an immortal, not-bound-by-law-or-regulation teenage girl who's seen tragedy, war, and other things I'm sure. We've discovered over time that this...and her being a teenage girl...and of course her friends who I shall discuss later...leads to some...disciplinary problems. I'm going to discuss a few of these topics over the story...

The story of the not-so joys of a little _sister._

Starring Big freaking brother himself...

God help me. And let's begin.


	2. Parties

My first topic...party scenes. You don't even understand, okay? I enjoy (contrary to popular belief) spending time with some of the other countries and all, but as an older brother I must look out for my UNDERAGE sister. Unfortunately, she doesn't like to think so. For example, about a month ago...

_~Flashback~_

_Many of the countries were occupying a bar in the Western part of Berlin, having a shockingly great time after a long, tedious meeting. France, Prussia (Who still tags along 99 percent of the time), Spain, and a couple other nations were on the dance floor, while many were occupying bar seats and tables. Switzerland was in the midst of an interesting conversation with Austria and Hungary when he realized Liechtenstein had left. He turned and searched frantically until he saw it. His worst nightmare. His personal version of Hell. One of his biggest fears._

_Lilli...was out on the dance floor._

_With a drink in her hand._

_And Francis and Gilbert dancing sensually alongside her. You could here Austria under his breath go, "Oh gott, no..." But he couldn't quite stop Switzerland from screaming, "LILLI CASANDRA ZWINGLI!" She dropped her drink and huffed, walking over, "Big brother what's wrong?" Aggravation was evident in her voice, which made the venom in Vash's stand out more, "What the hell are you doing." She gazed over to Francis and Gilbert, who both looked a tad bit afraid of what might happen if they get too close. After all, they had dealt with the angered Swiss on more than one occasion, and it is NEVER pretty, "Big Brother, I'm just having a good time. Francis, Gilbert, and I thought it might be fun to..." Switzerland's horrified stare followed with an interruption, "Wait a second, Lilli, you're actually /enjoying/ your time with those psychotic perverts?" Lilli smiled and nodded, "Yes of course! Francis and Gilbert are two of my closest friends! Now, if you don't mind, may I go continue what I was doing?"_

_Before Vash could even provide a reply, she was back on the floor with the duo, dancing and smiling. At first, Vash somewhat brushed it off and let her have fun, but he began to notice that her movements were a bit fuzzy and the two men were getting a little friendlier. Roderich too noticed, and knowing Lilli was underage-even as a nation-, let the Swissman go, "Just don't make a scene. And don't hurt anyone in the process." Vash jumped out of his chair and ran out to the dance floor, grabbing his sister's arm and pulling her close, "Liechtenstein, have you been...drinking?" She giggled and held onto his shirt, "Big brother I'm having a good time." He couldn't believe it! His baby sister was drunk, plowed, trashed, intoxicated..._

_Kissing his neck?!_

_"LILLI! This is inappropriate! I'm your brother for god's sake! I've got to get you to the hotel, now." The Swiss man kept mumbling to himself about how he, 'couldn't believe this happened' and 'she was so young and innocent LOOK AT WHAT THEY DID TO HER'. He bid his goodbyes to his friends and grabbed his car keys. He hadn't hardly touched anything while he was there so he trusted himself to drive the mumbling girl home. He held her bridal style as she giggled and nuzzled her face against his chest then gently, to not startle her, opened the passenger door and sat her in the seat, buckling her up tightly so she wouldn't move around much. He then shut the door and moved to climb into the driving seat before taking off._

_Once away from the bar and on the way back to their hotel, he turned and stared at the younger girl. She was practically asleep with her head leaning against the window. He couldn't help but chuckle as he spoke softly,_

_"I need to make sure we have plenty of ibuprofen in the morning because you, my dear sister, are going to have one /hell/ of a hangover."_

_~End~_

And, she did. I think she learnt her lesson, though. Well then, that not enough proof that not everything is my fault? Just wait...

**(I just made up her middle name, FYI. )**


	3. Influences

Let's get into other things. So, I'm not as strict and evil as people make me out to be. My sister has quite a bit of freedom. I haven't locked her up and I don't control her every move. I care...a lot. My sister can have friends and go enjoy herself without me watching her. It's okay...usually.

I remember specifically when a bunch of nations were invited to hang out. Well, it was summer...we were in Spain...guess what we did? Swimming. Seems completely innocent, right? Would have been...

If Hungary and France hadn't been the ones to take my sister bathing suit shopping. We showed up and of course they had her wearing some short jean shorts and a loose, breezy shirt. I could tolerate this. What pushed me is when she ran out and took off the shorts and shirt, showing her

strapless.

string tied.

Emerald green and gold bikini.

NOT OKAY. NOT OKAY. There were SIRENS. Big brother sirens! Poor France, he was the one near me when I saw it. It must have hurt when I nailed him with my fist. Sister did not approve, and turned around to tell me so without realizing...

Her tattoo and belly button ring were no longer hidden. I think what happened next was like child Gordon Ramsey throwing a temper tantrum when his first cooking play set was taken away. It was not pretty. I gaped like a fucking fish and pointed at her torso and she squealed and covered it. I remember hearing, "Big bruder I can explain this!" Before I flipped my shit even more and stormed out. I felt like I figured out my father beat my favorite dog with a baseball bat and threw its carcass into my closet. Yeah, it was horrible.

Sister and I had a long talk about it when we got home. She was grounded for three weeks. One for getting her belly button pierced without my permission, one for getting a tattoo without my permission, and one because she wore that freaking sexy *gags at the fact I used sexy and sister in almost the same line* bathing suit in front of the people we work with, some who are peers and some who are PERVS.

So, also, dear Gilbert, Francis, Antonio, Matthias, Heracles, Feliciano, and Elizabeta,

YOU CAN'T DATE MY SISTER STAY AWAY BEFORE I BEAT SOME ASS.

Thank you, Switzerland.


	4. Girl Things Suck

Okay, another reason...she's a girl. That sounds so shallow and rude but there is a purpose! The one thing that drives men up a wall if they live near or around a woman...the emotions, the tears, the screams and shouts, pain, fear...

It-that-occurs-once-a-month.

This thing is hell. I think I finally, however, have the emotional rollercoaster calendar memorized. It took pain and blood and crying and chocolate...A LOT OF CHOCOLATE...but I may have it under control now. May. Probably not. It goes a little something like:

Day 1: BIG BROTHER YOU SUCK. It hurts Big Brother why won't you HELP ME DO YOU NOT CARE?! That's right no men care the only things you truly love are your guns and Austr *I scream at her to shut up right here* WHY DON'T YOU LOVE ME?! Get me some chocolate or I'll run away to live with Francis! NOW!

Day 2: Big Brother you make me the luckiest girl in the world. You took me in, raised me, fed me, loved me like no other, and took me under your wing. I love you so much you mean everything to me Bruder! Let's hug and sit down on the couch and talk. Do you want to talk about you and Rod? *I blush, tell her I love her too, and get flustered and freak out about that last thing, telling her to stop bringing this up* I'm sorry big Brother but you two are right for each other. You should start talking to him again. Don't you miss him? *yells at her to stop trying to set me up with him and to stop hanging out with Francis, Gilbert, and Eliza* OH SHUT UP HE LOVES YOU TOO GET OVER IT. Now, where's the chocolate?

Day 3: Let's watch sad movies! I CAN'T BELIEVE WE WATCHED THIS CAN'T ANYONE TELL I HAVE FEELINGS OH MY GOD. This broke my heart into shards and threw them over the Alps. Does anyone care? OF COURSE NOT. *chooses not to tell her she choose to watch these movies* I'm hungry! Do we have any chocolate?

Day 4: Can I just lay here and die? Seriously. Big brother you're so lucky you're a guy. *DO NOT WANT THIS CONVERSATION* I mean, you guys may get boners and everything, but you don't bleed out them. *DO NOT WANT* And no kids come out of your body...well, I suppose since we're nations it could be possible but...still, you don't have to deal with peri *DO. NOT. WANT.* Whatever can I have chocolate? Remember if you say no I'll tell Roderich you touch yourself thinking about this *I'M GONNA SHIT. DO NOT WANTTTT.* Chocolate?

Day 5: NAP TIME. All day. I'll lay with my kitten today. And eat food. Chocolate...no. Ice cream. CHOCOLATE ICECREAM. BIG BROTHER!

Day 6: Is...is this hell over? Can I relax now? Life goes back to normal? #LolOfFuckingCourseNot *I cry*

Day 7: THE CIRCLE IS COMPLETE MAY PEACE REIGN THROUGH OUR LANDS! *goes to sleep peacefully*

Heh, seems fun doesn't it? NO IT IS ALL A LIE. *I turn and hear Lilli scream for me then yell about how no one loves her*

...So it begins. Better go chocolate shopping...**DO NOT WANT.**


	5. Friends and Secrets, Part One

Okay so I let Lilli hang out with whoever she wants...and sometimes I really don't like that, but her friends make her happy. And therefore I'm a little more happy. Some of her friends are just fine! I mean, I really like Emma(Belgium), Elizabeta, and hell, I like Kiku, Roderich, and some of the micronations like Kugelmugel too. She's friends with Iceland, Hong Kong, and Sweden, and they're pretty cool too (Sweden's actually a real good friend of mine). But, there are a couple I've not enjoyed having around her because of their...influences. Unfortunately, Eliza's not the best influence either will this gay guy obsession of hers, but she's a sweet woman and sister figure for her to enjoy.

Francis. Okay, Francis and I are friends, damn hell believe it. But, he's a...erm...openly sensual man, if you haven't freaking caught on. For god's sake, he runs a group called the Bad Touch Trio, that's not a good sign. And, that sensuality...it rubs off on people. My sister has had 'The Talk' and knows about sex and everything -WORST. DAY. OF MY LIFE.- but, Francis is more than an explanation. He's a walking fucking demonstration. He's a flirt and she knows what it means. And, I promise you, it's freaking gross watching your sister flirt with him and his friends...and I'm scared she's done stuff with them.

Gilbert. That DipShit and I have never been considered friends. I mean, him and Roderich are best friends, and Eliza likes him, and so does Lilli! But, seriously? His picture is in the dictionary next to the word Asshat, or at least he's that way to me. Now, he's nice to Lilli, I've seen this. So, if that ever changes, he's gonna get a bullet in his non-existent 'five metres'.

I have a single problem with Iceland and Hong Kong, and that's the fact that their hipster-mainstream-rebel bullshit has rubbed off on Lilli. Yep, she's rebelling and I can't stand it. She's blaring music, or wearing outfits I won't approve of, got her belly button pierced and a tattoo and refuses to have either removed, and she wears those fucking thick rimmed glasses. THOSE GOD DAMNED GLASSES. Gah. She even attempted to dye her hair once, but I walked in and stopped her before she could. However, I think I can accept this stuff eventually, once she's stops trying to spite me with it.

Matthias...GOD DAMNIT. I enjoy Netherlands and Belgium and they're really close to him, and hell, he's alright. BUT, he's one of the more...experienced, adult, and extremely uncensored nations out there, and I don't always like what he says around her. He's flirted a little with her and I know he's kidding, so that's okay but sometimes, I just want to cover her ears. It's not that he's obscene, usually no! But she's heard his Viking stories and they get violent and gory, and he doesn't censor anything he says. He's had her listen to his and his fellow Nordic countries' metal music, and he got her drunk for the first time. And, I will not approach her about this because I don't want to jump to conclusions, but one day she spent the weekend with him and the Nords and when she came home, her clothes smelled like smoke. And I don't mean flame smoke, and it wasn't cigarette smoke either. I really hope they don't have her doing drugs...

Eliza. I love this woman! I really do, she is a fantastic friend and Lilli ADORES her and that feeling is returned! But, as stated, she's got that obsession with yaoi or whatever and, well, I think Lilli likes it now. That's not even the problem. What worries me is...one day I heard her say on the phone -was not snooping, just accidentally overheard her- and she said she liked this stuff called Yuri. I figured it was like yaoi, so I checked it out and...if you don't know what it is, it's girl-on-girl relationships. I tried to ask her about it, but she got all defensive and told me to mind my own business. She's never done that, ever. That scares me shitless. So, I checked into it a little more and...I think she's hiding a simple fact I really wish she'd tell me. I mean, she's always talking to Eliza about this stuff, and her and Russia's little sister like to spend time together...alone. And, she knows I go through the internet history to make sure there's no freaks after my sister (France not included), and, sometimes it'll say things have been cleared and I'll have Estonia get them back and...I don't think she's just curious about sex...I think she's curious about girls. And I'm starting to think...

I think my sister's bisexual.


	6. UPDATE INFO SORRY EVERYONE!

**Yo Everybody! Sorry I have been so inactive lately! I'm even more disappointed because I HATE it when authors drop stories! But I'm not dropping anything, I promise! You see, I'm in the marching band and with all of our practices, football games, and competitions I've been crazy busy! But fear not! The season is over so I shall commence with more progressive and less sporadic updates!**

**Again I'm sorry everybody! Updates should begin again over the next few days! Thanks and enjoy!**


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